All Dogs Go to Heaven
by Smicc
Summary: SPOILERWARNING: This fanfic contains spoilers from Harry Potter and Order of the Phoenix, not saying more than that


All Dogs go To Heaven  
  
Warning: This contains Spoilers from Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix.   
  
The characters you don't recognize such as Sasami, Lauren, Kathy, and Annie are   
  
mine.  
  
  
  
Harry Potter is not mine no matter how badly I wish it to be… wah! It's not mine!  
  
So please don't sue me... not worth your time anyways I don't have any money…  
  
I just read the Order of the Phoenix in 17 hours, straight, not stopping for sleep   
  
and I needed to write this fanfic.  
  
"Today is the day," thought Remus Lupin morbidly as he uncurled himself and   
  
got up off the bed. He glanced out the window in the small dirty room he had been   
  
staying in number 12 Grimmuald Place. The weather outside seemed to be reflecting   
  
his mood; it was overcast and gray, the rain clouds above threatening to spill over at   
  
a moments notice. He pulled on a shirt and attempted to flatten his hair before   
  
leaving the room to join the rest of the Order at a very silent breakfast   
  
downstairs.   
  
"Did you sleep any last night?" asked Tonks kindly, Remus didn't bother   
  
answering, and he knew she could already guess from the dark bags under his eyes.   
  
Last night had been better than most, he gotten maybe two, possibly three hours of   
  
sleep last night. Since Sirius death the only thing that allowed Remus to get the   
  
few hours of fitful slumber that he managed was the thought that Sirius was in a   
  
better place, a place were he was free, free to roam, free from the dementers and   
  
those who thought him a criminal and mass murderer. Also the thought that he was   
  
with James and Lily. Most likely swapping stories of Harry, for stories of what   
  
they'd been up to. Either that or pulling pranks on some unfortunate spirit who   
  
happened to be in their general vicinity of them at the wrong time.   
  
Molly pulled him out of his reverie by placing a large plate of eggs, sausages   
  
and toast in front of him. Remus looked at if for a while as if he was confused by   
  
what it was. He carefully took a bite of sausage, he then gave the rest of the   
  
Order who had been watching him intently a half smile and swallowed the sausage   
  
before looking back down at his plate, "You know… I never liked sausage… I always   
  
ordered it to save it for Sirius. After he had finished his detention he always liked   
  
to sneak down to the kitchen to get food, more specifically sausage, he loved   
  
sausage. He always complained that they gave you detention during dinner time just   
  
to starve you on purpose." Said Remus taking another bite of sausage. The others   
  
gave him pitying looks before clearing their own dishes, leaving Remus to his   
  
thoughts. When nobody was looking Remus slipped the remainder of the sausage   
  
into his pocket out of habit.   
  
He began aimlessly wandering around the house only stopping to pull the   
  
curtains over Mrs. Black's incessant slanders. Ginny had pointed out to Remus, that   
  
maybe she had started to accept that the Order was here to stay because they   
  
hadn't heard from her much. At the time Remus had nodded his head at Ginny's   
  
feebly attempt to cheer him. The only reason Mrs. Black had stopped yelling as   
  
often was two very specific reason's neither of them having to do accepting the   
  
Order. The first reason was that fact that Sirius made it a point to be as loud and   
  
obnoxious as he could in protest of being locked in the hated house from childhood.   
  
The other reason was that a few weeks ago, recently after Sirius had died, Mrs.   
  
Black's jeers had been happy, and aimed at the fact that she would never again she   
  
that 'Traitorous scum' in her house again. Hearing this Remus and Harry had gone   
  
berserk and just about leapt down her throat admonishing her and praising Sirius   
  
and had very nearly destroyed the painting and come very close to breaking the   
  
spell that kept it on the wall. Since then Mrs. Black had not ranted about her son   
  
while Harry and Remus were near. But, Harry had long since returned to his Aunt   
  
and Uncle's house on Privet Drive, leaving only Remus to threaten the picture. But   
  
that would change today, the Order was to pick up Harry, Hermione, Neville and   
  
Luna and then proceed to Sirius private funeral.   
  
Remus was supposed to give Sirius eulogy at the funeral, but how to say it   
  
without offending anyone, or causing those who had only met him through the   
  
Order and only known him a short while to spend the rest of their lives with a bad   
  
last impression of Sirius. But if he couldn't do that how was he to give the eulogy?   
  
Sirius lived to have fun by embarrassing others, in fact his favorite motto was a   
  
muggle one, "It's funny if it's not you". Sirius had of course taken the meaning the   
  
wrong way, no matter how hard Lily and Remus had tried to persuade him that it   
  
meant you should think about how others felt before you pulled pranks on them. He   
  
still took them meaning to be, to make people laugh, embarrass someone or injury   
  
someone in a funny way. Thinking back Remus could still remember the first prank   
  
Sirius had ever pulled.   
  
It had been on their very first day of school, The first time Sirius laid eyes   
  
on Snape he was talking to a couple of other Slytherins, Sirius knew right away,   
  
that the muggle motto he lived by had been made entirely for him and Snape.   
  
Coming from a Pureblood family everyone had expected him to be put into   
  
Slytherin, Sirius himself didn't like the sounds of Slytherin. So when he had been   
  
placed in Gryffindor, it shocked everyone, it was the very same reason that Mrs.   
  
Black still calls Sirius a traitor. But because Sirius was a Pureblood, his family   
  
having been bound to the Dark Lord, knew a lot of Hexes, Curses, and Jinxes that   
  
even most of the teachers didn't know, so that day he decided to put those skills   
  
against Snape.   
  
~*~ Flashback~*~  
  
"Would you look at that git," said Sirius through a mouthful of sausage, as he   
  
nodded his head towards Snape chatting with two other Slytherin boys.   
  
"I bet he hasn't washed his hair in a week!" said James.  
  
"Longer than that I'd say," piped in Peter (a/n: grrrr! He needs to die! Die I tell ya!)  
  
"Maybe his family can't afford Shampoo?" said Remus. All three turned to look a   
  
him incredulously. James and Sirius burst out laughing,   
  
"Yeah sure that's it! Good one Lupin!" said James sarcastically.  
  
"The Snape's unable to buy shampoo!" laughed Sirius even harder.  
  
"That's not very nice! You should stop making fun of him!" said Lily jumping in to   
  
defend the underdog.  
  
"Well, its not entirely undeserved Lily. I mean, he really does need to wash his   
  
hair…or maybe he can just donate the grease to a fast food kitchen!" laughed   
  
Sasami, getting a high five from Sirius for a well-placed joke.   
  
"Good one huh Lauren?" said Sasami elbowing the extremely quiet Lauren next to   
  
her. The girl responded by staring at Sasami, till she was slightly unsettled by the   
  
girls stare, then Lauren returned to her breakfast. Sasami just shrugged at the   
  
boys.   
  
"I think-" began Sirius before James interrupted him.  
  
"Really you actually think!?!" Joked James.  
  
"Ha ha, very funny" said Sirius sarcastically.   
  
"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I think Snape's hair would look   
  
good, oh, Flamingo pink!" said Sirius, then before Lily could protest he raised his   
  
wand and muttered something under his breath, across the great hall Snape's hair   
  
turned flamingo pink, the Slytherin's began laughing at him. James, Sirius and   
  
Sasami began to laugh hysterically. All the color had drained out Peter's face; he   
  
hoped that Sirius wouldn't do anything like that to him. Remus tried hard not to   
  
laugh at the poor boy's plight, but he couldn't. Lily shook her head disapprovingly,  
  
"You guys all need to grow up!" she said and then left the great hall.   
  
"Well, she's right guys," Sirius said seriously (no pun intended). They all looked at   
  
him shocked, then he smiled evilly, one that would to this day strike fear into   
  
anyone who was not his friend.   
  
"It's only fitting that we give him robes to match." And then he muttered something   
  
under his breath again, and Snape's robes became the same Flamingo pink as his   
  
hair.   
  
~*~ End Flashback~*~  
  
  
  
Remus shook his head at the memory. That was what started the tradition,   
  
one of them always pulled a prank on Snape at least once a day for then next seven   
  
years they had at Hogwarts. It was then that it hit him, he was the last living   
  
Marauder, since two years ago Remus and Sirius had declared Peter dead to them.   
  
He was the only one still holding every single memory of the boys from their very   
  
first prank to the last one they ever did as a group. It was the very night that Lily,   
  
James and Harry went into hiding with Peter as their secret keeper. Just before   
  
their very last meal together…  
  
~*~ Flashback~*~  
  
"Are you sure about this guys? Won't Lily kill us?" asked Peter nervously   
  
shifting his weight from one foot to another.   
  
"Nah, she'll be fine, it's just one kid, they can have another." Said Sirius.  
  
"I don't think Lily views it the same way." Said Lauren,  
  
"And just what is that supposed to mean?" asked James indignantly.  
  
"Nothing, nothing at all" mumbled Lauren with a grin on her face. James scowled at   
  
her for a moment.   
  
"So you don't get mad a Sirius for saying that Harry's just one kid… you guys won't   
  
mind if we eat him-" began Sasami.  
  
"EAT HIM! WHAT YOU MEAN WE'RE EATTING HARRY!?!?!?!" yelled James.  
  
"I'm kidding Jim," Laughed Sasami as Remus tried to keep James back from Sirius   
  
who was now hiding behind a very pale Peter. Once James calmed down Sirius   
  
feigned injury.   
  
"Gee, ever since you've had this kid, you've been no fun," said Sirius lifting Harry up   
  
above his head to examine the boy in the half moon light. Then much to James   
  
horror Sirius threw Harry high up into the air,  
  
"Like I said, it's only one kid they can have more, this one smelled funny anyways."   
  
Remarked Sirius examining his nails. James had to be restrained from killing Sirius   
  
once again. Only when he showed James that he had Harry under a levitation spell   
  
did James relax again.   
  
"So what's the plan?" he asked Sirius as he grabbed his son out of the air.   
  
"Well, you know how Lily is about to start breathing fire because everyone is sold   
  
out of ham, gee, I wonder why? Could it be due to the fact that we bought everyone   
  
out of ham to ensure that this prank would work? I figured, we pretend that Laur   
  
here found an alternative to ham, and brings Harry in on a platter to be the main   
  
course." Explained Sirius, miming Lauren bringing a platter with Harry sitting on it.  
  
"Or, my idea, everyone knows what a great cook Laur is, no one turns down her help   
  
with food preparation. She starts cooking the stuffing to the ham. Lily tells her   
  
that she doesn't have ham, and then we have Lauren look at Harry in his high chair   
  
and say that she's found an alternative and picks up Harry and puts him in a pan and   
  
puts him in the stove. Not on of course," concluded Sasami seeing James' face.   
  
"So which one should we do?" asked Remus.  
  
"I like Sasami's idea better." Said Peter,   
  
"Yeah, I agree with Peter, It would shock her more to see me actually pretending to   
  
cook Harry." Said Lauren.  
  
"Yeah, since we all now Laur can keep a straight face when she wants too, even if we   
  
don't want her too. I think it'll work" concluded Remus.  
  
"So My plan it is." Said Sasami.  
  
"Lily, have you finished the Salad?" asked Lauren as she was busily preparing   
  
them ham stuffing.   
  
"Yeah, I just finished what do you need next?" asked Lily as she washed her hands   
  
clean of the strained carrots she had been feeding baby Harry.  
  
"Could you bring in the Ham?" asked Lauren.  
  
"I'm sorry Laur, but I couldn't get a ham. All the stores were sold out." Said Lily as   
  
she wiped the strained carrots off of Harry's face. Lauren smiled over Lily's head   
  
at James, Sirius, Remus, Sasami and Peter who were trying to act normal but were   
  
finding it difficult now that it was time.   
  
"Oh don't worry, I'm sure I can find some kind of substitute meat." Said Lauren as   
  
she began to scan the kitchen for the meat. She paused for a moment to watch Lily   
  
and Harry.   
  
"He's getting pretty big isn't he?" stated Lauren thoughtfully.  
  
"Yes, he just turned two a couple of months ago." Said Lily  
  
"Perfect. Just perfect." Said Lauren as she walked over and picked Harry up.   
  
"Oh not yet, the little angel still doesn't sleep all the way through the night." Smiled   
  
Lily as she let Lauren carry Harry over to where she was cooking. Lauren carefully   
  
set Harry down in a pan and pretended to mess with the dials on the oven. Then she   
  
poured vegetable oil and seasoning on Harry.   
  
"Um, Lauren what are you doing?" asked Lily raising and eyebrow at her friends   
  
strange behavior.   
  
"Oh. I just found the substation meat." Said Lauren.  
  
"May I ask what you're planning to use as the substation meat?" asked Lily looking   
  
confused.  
  
"Why Harry of course, many people consider baby meat a delicacy. Haven't you ever   
  
read Jonathon Swift's 'A modest proposal'?" She said as she picked up the pan with   
  
Harry in it and put it carefully in the oven and closed the door.   
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!" yelled Lily pushing Lauren out of the way and retrieving her son   
  
from the oven. Before fainting, amid the hysterical laughter of those gathered in   
  
her house.  
  
~*~End Flashback~*~  
  
It had been a good prank; sure Lily had never let Harry be in the kitchen   
  
ever again. At least that's what the sparse information that the Marauders   
  
received of their friends while they were in hiding said.   
  
"Uh, Professor Lupin?" asked Ginny, pulling him out of his reminiscing. It's time to   
  
go, we have to pick up everyone else." Ginny informed him, "Dad, borrowed a car   
  
from the ministry to take us. It should be here any moment." Said Ginny as she took   
  
his hand and lead him downstairs  
  
Now don't anybody cheer to soon! There's still another chapter…I hoping to be able   
  
to put it up tomorrow!  
  
-Smicc 


End file.
